Hello,…

We are in San Franscisco on our last leg of our trip home. I got this typed on the first plane ride, hopefully I will get the last section typed on this last flight if there is power for the laptop. This is long. There are lots to read. We did lots of things. Go get a cup of tea. 🙂

Good day again everyone!

Well, the storm of the year ….Let’s start with that. They were predicting 6-10” of snow for NYC. I would guess we got about 4”. Outlying areas however got up to 11” according to the news. Roads were shut down, trains were stopped, speed limits were reduced. When we got up, we ventured out and the weather was beautiful. Blue skies, the wind finally had slowed and we headed up to the Museum of Natural History. On the way there, the traffic and volume of people on the street had dropped by about 75%. People were either still holed up afraid to poke their noses out of their rabbit warrens, or they were unable to make their commutes to Manhattan. It was a little strange to see, however, being the tough chicks we are, we kept on trucking. Snowplow blades had been affixed to the front of the garbage trucks to double as plows, but as you will see in one of the pictures I will be uploading later, even though they were chained as well, they had people accompanying the garbage plows with hand shovels to dig them out when needed. Snow tires….ha! What a concept. I don’t think it was so much as the volume of snow that incapacitated them, but the inability to cope with it. Hundreds and hundreds of flights were cancelled or delayed that day, but otherwise, besides the frigid temperatures, we didn’t miss a beat.

We arrived at the museum, lined up (everywhere here requires a line up….ugh) and then finally got through security. I have been patted down now more times than ever and when I get home I might have to walk up to random strangers and ask them to feel me up so I don’t go into withdrawal from the lack of fondling I will experience in Canada. I digress….We headed straight up to the fourth floor and started to work our way down, thus avoiding the crowds for a while.

We have Drumheller and the Tyrell Museum, but NYC also has a very impressive collection of dinosaur bones to their credit. We snapped lots of pictures and headed down to the next floor. After a few hours of being in the museum, we were both on overload. Each floor really could take a whole day to explore so you could really absorb what is there. There were 8 speciality exhibits from whales, to poisonous creatures used to heal, but we just didn’t have time to take them all in.

When we finally found or way out by retracing our trail of bread crumbs we so smartly left, the line that greeted us stretched around three sides of the building. Our next stop was the cathedral of St John the Divine. I asked the guide at the front entrance what the difference between a cathedral and a church was and learned something new. A regular church is just that. Regular. A cathedral is the home to the highest ranking religious figurehead, a bishop. This one apparently was home to the bishop for the area. It was beautiful. Tonnes of stained glass windows, massive pews, room after room for special things like funerals and baptisms etc. When we left I was grateful to have been inside something that took over 200 years to build and was tall enough inside to house the Statue of Liberty, but I was most grateful to have not caught on fire while being there.

Hypoglycemia was starting to set in (low blood sugar for my non medical friends) and Joni was starting to grow fangs. For once it wasn’t me, but perhaps it was because of my emergency sesame snaps I found deep in my pocket to stave it off earlier. We found a 5 guys burgers and fries and wolfed down some lunch. Where we were had limited food selection cause we were a bit off the beaten track….nonetheless the hole was plugged and away we went.

When we had arrived in NYC we had purchased a NY City Pass, that came with admission to hundreds of attractions as well as free tour bus access to get from A to Z. However, due to the storm, our busses had been cancelled, so we hopped onto a taxi to take us back downtown to our next stop….The Museum of Sex. Our ride took us through Central Park which was nice, because our carriage ride wasn’t going to happen because of the extreme cold, so a drive through was our next best thing. Going back in the summer is next of my list, cause it was beautiful. Going back in the summer, in the daytime is on the list. I am told night time is to be avoided. We asked the driver why there were so many scaffoldings in the city. Was it because Hurricane Sandy devastated things so badly that the repairs were still underway to restore NY back to its former glory? Nope. I guess business get a choice of either paying property taxes, or submit a receipt at the end of the year for maintenance or upgrades to their properties. Their uncle’s brother’s next door neighbour’s sister’s husband can come clean your windows (and of course require scaffolding) and that money spent goes towards your taxes. If it takes a whole year to do it, and the cost of the scaffolding is $26,000…nbd….It all goes to pay off your taxes. So lots of people start a company within their family, and the money circulates within it. Someone has a painting company, someone has a cleaning company, someone has a scaffolding company etc….and it all stays in house. As long as you follow the rules, it makes no odds. Strange but true.

The cab driver also immediately asked where we were from. Not because of our accents, eh? But because we were smiling and happy! Lol He said none of his New Yorker customers are ever as happy as us.

Hold your horses…I will get to the sex museum part in a second. Just keep reading and don’t skip forward.

About 15 years earlier, I had the fortune to wrangle myself a ticket to NYC courtesy of Air Canada. That in and of itself is a whole new story, and I promised I wouldn’t digress so you can get to the sexy part, so buy me a drink one day and I will tell you that story. Anyhoo, back in the day, I was riding a bus down Broadway, when I called my Dad and said, “Dad, you will never guess where I am and what I am doing.” I was right, he couldn’t. I said, “I am in NYC, and I’m on a bus, and I am on Broadway!!!” Long story short, he was tickled pink for my adventure for me, and so this time, I sent him a text message, saying I had moved up in the world somewhat. I was again on Broadway, and this time it was in a Taxi. Lol Perhaps next time it would be in a limo!
OK. We arrived at the Sexy Museum….We walked in the door and were greeted with all sorts of souveniers/paraphernalia to purchase and the ticket booth. We gained entry, this time without a frisky frisking and upstairs we went. The first section was all about the evolution of sex from behind closed doors to mainstream internet availability and all the various types and flavours of sex from gay, lesbian, heterosexual, animal involvement, different insertion accessories, Weinergate, cartoon porn etc….
The next was all about the history of pornography and Linda Lovelace’s influence on the industry. The next section was animal porn including the first duck necropheliac rape witnessed and documented with photos by an unsuspecting bystander who happened to be at the right place at the right time…if you could call it that. Apparently ducks like to try and rape each other midflight, and this particular time, the victim flew into a window and died, and the offender continued his quest to have his way with her even when dead. We then moved onto the corkscrew shaped penises of ducks, and masturbation of monkeys in the wild AND in captivity.

We then moved into a strange art display of a bicycle attached to a dildo that one person could ride that would allow the dildo to move forward and back to stimulate penetration…. And finally a female urinal. How that related to sex I am not sure…perhaps it is simply a proximity to sexual organs that had it make the grade….?
We ended up back in the gift shop and that was it. The manager said that they had their business license revoked originally because it was too much of a sex shop and less of a museum and apparently that was too much to handle…..in NEW YORK CITY???? In Medicine Hat perhaps, but an international attraction in a city that never sleeps? Either way, they had to tame it down and then were granted permission to open their doors.

Our next stop was The Empire State Building. By now, most New Yorkers and tourists alike had realized the sky hadn’t fallen, it was only some snow and they were back in full force on the streets. Sliding around with good tires or shoes, but out nonetheless. We had stopped as the ESB before the museum, but the line was huge and it was cold, so we opted to come back afterwards and hope for a smaller line. Our gamble paid off and we were inside in mere moments. We then had another fondling and headed up to the 80th floor where we stopped for a few minutes. Our pass included a Kevin Bacon-esque cheesy but somewhat thrilling simulated helicopter ride through the city and a trip down the Coney Island rollercoaster. Meh…it was ok. Afterwards we transferred to another elevator to the 86th floor and finally a third vertical shuttle to the 112th. Luckily the clouds were gone and the view was spectacular. The winds were something else though. Back in the day when they built it, it was going to be used as a futuristic landing zone for blimp travel. However, with the discovery of how winds increase with heights, and the Hindenburg disaster, the project was scrapped.
It was now 730pm and we had planned on meeting up with our two new friends from NYE. We cabbed it up to the Minus 5 Experience Bar, where we donned fur coats, Russian fur hats (or in my case a polar bear hat scarf combo), and entered an ice palace where we were served drinks in ice made glasses and posed for photos like the VIPS we are. Photos to come. It was very loverly indeed.

Once leaving there, we decided F&*K it, we are taking a limo to dinner downtown! I laughed at the irony of my earlier message to my parents, snapped a few photos and sent it off to them saying I had decided not to wait until the next trip, but I was moving on up that day to a limo. We arrived at the restaurant and ran into a woman who had the neatest contraption. It was a selfie-stick. She attached her phone to it, and then used the earphones to snap a picture of herself! It was wild! Definitely a good investment if you can find them….

BBQ was on the dinner menu again. Having heard our rave reviews of the massive drinks we had on NYE, the girls wanted to go as well. It was our pleasure to take them! Our waitress was less than enthusiastic about being on shift that night, and really, was the only real poor customer service we had the whole trip. Drinks were swilled, meat was ripped from the bone, laughs were snorted, and a general party at our table ensued! We left finally about midnight and went back to the hotel to continue the party with wine, champagne and crown royal we all had from days before.
Stumbing back to bed in the wee hours of the morning finished the day.

Are you exhausted reading this yet? Well, imagine living through it! The whirlwind of activity, the lights, the booze, the hookers, the blow….I mean, the whirlwind of activity, the lights, the booze….the laughs. It was awesome. And tiring.

Saturday morning had us realize we needed to get things sorted out a bit in the hotel. We were leaving the next day, we had shopping bags spread from hither to yon, and some organizing needed to happen. Straight after a morning nap. Then it was straight to work. Luckily I had packed an extra duffel bag in anticipation, and in short order (read two hours) we had things ready to go for today. Our Broadway show was next. As the weather had warmed up even more, we walked the 12 blocks to the Gershwin Theatre to take our place in line to go to our seats. A few days earlier, a clerk at a store had advised us to sneak in our own snacks to save a bundle. So we did, and thankfully. One bag of M & M’s was selling for $8. Drinks were $23 each. Our Oreos and Diet Coke tasted even better. You all know I like a good sneaky snack every once in a while!

The seats we had were labeled as “Superior”. I should hope so, but the $252 we spent on each of them was well worth it. 9 rows from the front, right in the middle above the orchestra, we could see the performers and the delicate expressions on their face so clearly it was well worth it. The show was Wicked. It was literally called Wicked. Seriously. It was also wicked to watch. It was the life and story of the character development of the people who lived in OZ. Glinda the good witch, the wicked witch of the East, the wizard…the love story, the tragedies…it was super. A prequel if you will for the Wizard of Oz. 2 hours and 45 minutes later, we left, our thirst for culture slaked, leaving us only with the thirst for a delicious glass of wine at an Italian restaurant that Dr. Little (My chiropractor) recommended we go to. It was indeed delicious. A spinach, goat cheese, tomato, poached pear, balsamic dressed salad to start, followed by a chicken broccoli fusilli pasta for Joni and a veal scaloppini for myself and more wine. Muscato wine infact. It was soooo delicious, I took a picture of the bottle for future purchases.

We then split up for the next few hours so we could get all the last minute things purchased that we wanted to get secured before the final pack up and trip home. Meeting back at the hotel room after visiting the M&M store again, Lane Bryant (more bras!!!) again, Cake Boss for an evening nightcap of baked deliciousness and a few
other souvenir stores rounded out the night. The London girls came back to the room for a final recap and a hug goodbye and soon we were all in bed, needing to get up at ungodly hours to make our flights home today.

We (and I mean I) rose at 4am to get the show started. Poor Joni never got the chance to rise, for she had been hit like Hurricane Sandy in the head cold department and was unable to sleep due to her congestion. Pacing the room like a caged lion, she tried several times to sleep, but each time she lay down, her sinuses plugged to the point on not being able to breathe. Already having a sore throat made breathing through her mouth all but impossible. Suffering as she did all night long hasn’t dulled her enthusiasm for travelling one bit. She is a trooper. Pumped full of cold medications, her ability be as sharp as a tack has somewhat diminished, however, I was able to muster the courage to make decisions and successfully guide us to the airport despite my shy nature.

I type this now in the airplane between NYC and San Fransisco where our next flight home waits for us to board. During that stopover, I hope to be able to connect to send this update out, and perhaps on the last leg of the journey chronicle the events down at the Freedom Tower Memorial Site, and that deserves its own journal entry.
Until then, take care, and see you at home soon!

Annie

OK…

Here is the update for the past few days….

New Years Eve

We started out the day going to the Discovery Science Centre. We went to the Body Worlds exhibit first. I have seen it before twice, but this was Joni’s first time going. It is an incredible display of the human body and the science behind it. We then went to the second exhibit that was about the Odyssey’s underwater shipwreck recovery missions. There were artifacts that were hundreds of years old including gold, silver and copper bars, coins, china, bottles, toothbrushes, you name it, they had them. It was beautiful. There was a third exhibit that we didn’t go that was about LEGO.
After that we went to Madame Tussauds wax museum. There were 200 figures there and we got some pics with various ones and also went through a haunted part of it. I confess there was one part that made me jump a foot or two and let out a little shriek. After we left there, we went to the BBQ restaurant across the street. Everyone we spoke to about where to go, pronounced it by the letters, not Bar-b-que as we would. It was very discombobulating at first…then funny. It was there that we had the monster sized drinks. Mine was an apple martini on the bottom, then strawberry margarita on the top, with a shot of coconut tequila nestled in the blended ice and a bottle of champagne tipped over into the drink bowl. It was DELICIOUS!!! One drink cost more than the lunch did, but it had enough alcohol in it for 5 drinks…lol

When we finished our liquid lunch and had our sandwich for dessert, we stumbled towards the hotel. On the way I found another one of the thousands of tourist stores here and bought some more souvenirs and then posed for the pic with the cops. They had told us that for the big night, there were 40,000 cops on duty that are assigned here to NYC and another 30,000 had been imported from the surrounding areas. NUTS!!!

In the lobby of our hotel, while waiting for the elevator, we met two very lovely young women from England. While chatting, my normally shy self was overcome by a burst of exuberance, and I started talking to them. Although it was quite out of character for me to speak to strangers, I overcame it, and suggested that they purchase the spare two tickets I had for NYE. They very graciously said no, as they had just purchased comedy club tickets. However a few minutes after we had settled in the room, there was a knock at the door….they had realized that perhaps we were the people to be with on NYE cause we know how to rock the party! They bought our other two tickets which was nice for us, and great for them to be able to attend such a great party and see the ball drop too!

We got ready for the party as best we could, considering all our party gear was still in the lost suitcase. Fancy outfits, feather masks, shoes etc… I made do by wearing my new I <3 NY t-shirt. I can rock a party no matter what I wear, so although it was disappointing not to get to wear my new garb, it wasn’t going to slow me down any. We were able to use our glitter spray though. When we got to the lobby we went around offering to spray anyone else who wanted to glam themselves up a bit, staff included. Little girls and gay men loved us!!! Most women said yes, and only ONE man! It was fun. Our two new friends came down to the lobby shortly afterwards, we had a few hors d’houveurs and then asked the lobby what time we should leave for Ruby Tuesdays.

Our party was starting at 8, and it was 6:15. They said we needed to have left already and “Good Luck getting there now”. We were 4 blocks away. Well, when we hit the streets 4 minutes later I was able to understand why they had wished us luck. They were PACKED!!! The police had cordoned off all of Times Square and only were letting people in via small openings in the barricades. You were only able to walk in one direction, so once you moved into a new street, you were forced to go where they were channeling you, and anything other than that required a police escort, or you weren’t getting through. When I had mapped out our route via google maps, I didn’t think about it thoroughly. It did it as though you were driving, not walking. So, when we set out, I took us the LOOOONG way through, thus doubling our challenges. However, the silver lining of that was that it brought us directly through the heart of TIMES SQUARE past where all the stages were set up for the performers. I have a video of that, but haven’t posted it yet. Stay tuned.

The magic and power of the event was palpable. You could feel the energy pulsing through the air and the excitement was huge. I totally savoured the moments…. We crossed through with our police escort and then waited in line outside our restaurant for an hour, waiting for it to open. After only an hour, we were like popsicles. I was very grateful to not have to wait outside all day long, frozen, hungry and with no toilet available to us. We were wanded to make sure no Oozies were being snuck in, and we found out afterwards, the security guards for the place were plain clothes policemen!

The four of us headed inside and we got our table straight away. Our waitress Maggie tended to us all night, serving us very strong cocktails, champagne, whatever we wanted, and however much we wanted. We were on the second floor of the restaurant, where the DJ was and the official dance floor were and we set the mood for the party. Going around from table to table, snapping peoples pictures of themselves, meeting people and having a great laugh. The food was delicious and the company was even finer! The one drawback however was the number of ladies restrooms. Obviously there weren’t enough. However, someone whose name rhymes with Poni, solved that problem by starting a wee bit of a riot and dragging/encouraging the women to pop a squat in the man’s bathroom! The response was so overwhelming, security guards needed to be posted at the entrance to “guard” the john from the women who were staging a “pee in”. It was awesome!

Just before midnight, we donned our winter gear and headed outside to a specially roped off area for the guests of our restaurant only to watch the ball drop. Our view was spectacular, we got to see everything from A-Z and when we wanted to, we could return to the restaurant. The confetti sprayed everywhere throughout Times Square and I have to say, it was EVERYTHING I had wanted the experience to be. Some video and pics were taken, and then we headed back to the restaurant to finish the party. We were told that 1,000,000 people would be cleared out in 30 minutes. I didn’t think it was possible, but it happened. Very strange, but true.

Well, we got back inside, and continued to rouse the crowd, and ended up closing the bar at 4am! As we left, we were approached by the management team to say that we had been voted the most valuable guests of the evening as we had gotten more people up to dance and have a good time than ever before and without us it wouldn’t have been the same. Not to toot my own horn… too much… but it was true. And it was worth it. It was the best New Years Eve in my life – bar none. Mission accomplished. Check of the bucket list.

Jan 1st….The plan was to get up early and do lots of things….. Didn’t happen. Lol. Instead, we slept in, lounged around and then decided to do our shopping day that day, as the luggage still hadn’t come in. We hit Lane Bryant, Old Navy, and then onto Macy’s. OMG! What a store. 11 floors of shopping extravaganza. It had a complete floor dedicated only to shoes! You would think that it would have some size 12s…. Three pairs, two styles. Seriously. Three pairs, two styles. There was a complete city block of shoes, and that was it. However, the clothes were another story. It took me nearly an hour and a half to simply do a surface comb through of the clothes…and then I hit the fitting room. My visa trembled with fear, but managed to shoulder the load. Phew. Disaster averted! I have several bags to show for it, and can’t wait to unpack it all! We lost track of time, and ended up back at the hotel at 730pm. We had bought a tour bus package and with it, came headphones to listen to the tour operator. Not once, but twice, when I was wearing the headphones, I got shocked though my ears! I felt like I was hooked up to the death row electric chair! I jumped high enough, and screamed loud enough Joni nearly peed! I have not worn them since!

On our way back we smelled hot steak along the way, and knew we had to satisfy our inner cave women, and decided to phone down to the desk to find a good steak house. We also looked on line, and decided on a place called Bond 45. Our tourist pass also said that we would get a free drink if we presented it to the waitress. As we walked in, we were greeted with in house made fresh caramel chocolate brittle that melted in your mouth! It was awesome! We got to the table and mentioned our pass, so the waitress brought our glasses of champagne over and a bottle of San Pellegrino bottled water. Then as she walked away, we opened our menus. And then we closed them. We were a little out of our league, and decided that paying $200 for our supper was a bit much, so we confessed to the waitress that we would pay for our drinks, and scram. What was hilarious though, was while we waited, the table beside us asked the maitre d’ if they could order. He said that the waitress would be right by, and as he walked away past us, under his breath he said, “Fuckers” as he rolled his eyes. Joni and I nearly peed ourselves.

So, we bailed on the fancy place, I took my $8 bottle of WATER!!! With me, and we headed across the street to Planet Hollywood for supper. Our waiter was hilarious. When I said we were from Canada, and then when we said we were from the Calgary area, he said, “Hey, I know someone from Calgary!” I asked who, and he said it was Kevin Westgarth. I played along, and said, “Get out! I know Kevin!” The waiter totally bought it, and went on to ask him how I knew him, and I asked if he knew Bob and Peggy too….he said no, it was family friends who knew him growing up. Well, we blabbed about Kevin a bit more, and then TJ (the waiter) said how proud he was of his friend for his recent trade…to the being the newest Calgary Flame!!!! He was sooo excited to talk to me about it, and then he went on to involve the table next to us in the conversation….I couldn’t tell him I had been joking, or he would have been so embarrassed. It was pretty funny all things considered.

We left there and when we went outside, there were soooo many lights, we both were momentarily stunned as to what time of day it was. It was almost like being in Vegas in that respect. The 11pm street vendors had come out, and we saw some really cool things. The next thing you know, it was 12:30 and we were finally able to tear ourselves away and go back to the hotel to bed.
Jan 2 – today we headed down to see the Statue of Liberty and the Ground Zero memorial. As I need more time to reflect on that before I just gloss over it, I will save that update for a later date. The rest of today will also have to wait, cause all these late nights and action packed days are catching up to this old broad. I am going to tuck myself into bed after a nice hot shower and a watch of the news. New York and the east coast are bracing for a momentous storm, the worst in the past four years apparently. Between 6-10” of snow are expected tonight, and already since it started, we have enough snow falling and blowing to be unable to see past one skyscraper beyond us. There were chains on the busses and garbage trucks near the end of the afternoon in preparation for the storm. The Mayor and police commissioner came on the air with an emergency broadcast asking everyone to close up and go home early as a precaution.

One of the staff members at the hotel here is going to be staying the night at the hotel so she can be sure to be here for the morning shift cause the trains freeze over apparently and things grind to a halt. It will be interesting to see how things fare tomorrow. Boston is expecting 12-16” of snow! Planes are all being grounded here in the NE, so again, it will be interesting. If we end up snowbound tomorrow, I will have more time to post, but if not, it will have to wait. Hopefully things clear by Saturday, cause we have tickets to a Broadway show, Wicked, and reservations at a fancy restaurant my Chiropractor recommended to us.
So, goodnight for now!

Annie