We are in San Franscisco on our last leg of our trip home. I got this typed on the first plane ride, hopefully I will get the last section typed on this last flight if there is power for the laptop. This is long. There are lots to read. We did lots of things. Go get a cup of tea. 🙂
Good day again everyone!
Well, the storm of the year ….Let’s start with that. They were predicting 6-10” of snow for NYC. I would guess we got about 4”. Outlying areas however got up to 11” according to the news. Roads were shut down, trains were stopped, speed limits were reduced. When we got up, we ventured out and the weather was beautiful. Blue skies, the wind finally had slowed and we headed up to the Museum of Natural History. On the way there, the traffic and volume of people on the street had dropped by about 75%. People were either still holed up afraid to poke their noses out of their rabbit warrens, or they were unable to make their commutes to Manhattan. It was a little strange to see, however, being the tough chicks we are, we kept on trucking. Snowplow blades had been affixed to the front of the garbage trucks to double as plows, but as you will see in one of the pictures I will be uploading later, even though they were chained as well, they had people accompanying the garbage plows with hand shovels to dig them out when needed. Snow tires….ha! What a concept. I don’t think it was so much as the volume of snow that incapacitated them, but the inability to cope with it. Hundreds and hundreds of flights were cancelled or delayed that day, but otherwise, besides the frigid temperatures, we didn’t miss a beat.
We arrived at the museum, lined up (everywhere here requires a line up….ugh) and then finally got through security. I have been patted down now more times than ever and when I get home I might have to walk up to random strangers and ask them to feel me up so I don’t go into withdrawal from the lack of fondling I will experience in Canada. I digress….We headed straight up to the fourth floor and started to work our way down, thus avoiding the crowds for a while.
We have Drumheller and the Tyrell Museum, but NYC also has a very impressive collection of dinosaur bones to their credit. We snapped lots of pictures and headed down to the next floor. After a few hours of being in the museum, we were both on overload. Each floor really could take a whole day to explore so you could really absorb what is there. There were 8 speciality exhibits from whales, to poisonous creatures used to heal, but we just didn’t have time to take them all in.
When we finally found or way out by retracing our trail of bread crumbs we so smartly left, the line that greeted us stretched around three sides of the building. Our next stop was the cathedral of St John the Divine. I asked the guide at the front entrance what the difference between a cathedral and a church was and learned something new. A regular church is just that. Regular. A cathedral is the home to the highest ranking religious figurehead, a bishop. This one apparently was home to the bishop for the area. It was beautiful. Tonnes of stained glass windows, massive pews, room after room for special things like funerals and baptisms etc. When we left I was grateful to have been inside something that took over 200 years to build and was tall enough inside to house the Statue of Liberty, but I was most grateful to have not caught on fire while being there.
Hypoglycemia was starting to set in (low blood sugar for my non medical friends) and Joni was starting to grow fangs. For once it wasn’t me, but perhaps it was because of my emergency sesame snaps I found deep in my pocket to stave it off earlier. We found a 5 guys burgers and fries and wolfed down some lunch. Where we were had limited food selection cause we were a bit off the beaten track….nonetheless the hole was plugged and away we went.
When we had arrived in NYC we had purchased a NY City Pass, that came with admission to hundreds of attractions as well as free tour bus access to get from A to Z. However, due to the storm, our busses had been cancelled, so we hopped onto a taxi to take us back downtown to our next stop….The Museum of Sex. Our ride took us through Central Park which was nice, because our carriage ride wasn’t going to happen because of the extreme cold, so a drive through was our next best thing. Going back in the summer is next of my list, cause it was beautiful. Going back in the summer, in the daytime is on the list. I am told night time is to be avoided. We asked the driver why there were so many scaffoldings in the city. Was it because Hurricane Sandy devastated things so badly that the repairs were still underway to restore NY back to its former glory? Nope. I guess business get a choice of either paying property taxes, or submit a receipt at the end of the year for maintenance or upgrades to their properties. Their uncle’s brother’s next door neighbour’s sister’s husband can come clean your windows (and of course require scaffolding) and that money spent goes towards your taxes. If it takes a whole year to do it, and the cost of the scaffolding is $26,000…nbd….It all goes to pay off your taxes. So lots of people start a company within their family, and the money circulates within it. Someone has a painting company, someone has a cleaning company, someone has a scaffolding company etc….and it all stays in house. As long as you follow the rules, it makes no odds. Strange but true.
The cab driver also immediately asked where we were from. Not because of our accents, eh? But because we were smiling and happy! Lol He said none of his New Yorker customers are ever as happy as us.
Hold your horses…I will get to the sex museum part in a second. Just keep reading and don’t skip forward.
About 15 years earlier, I had the fortune to wrangle myself a ticket to NYC courtesy of Air Canada. That in and of itself is a whole new story, and I promised I wouldn’t digress so you can get to the sexy part, so buy me a drink one day and I will tell you that story. Anyhoo, back in the day, I was riding a bus down Broadway, when I called my Dad and said, “Dad, you will never guess where I am and what I am doing.” I was right, he couldn’t. I said, “I am in NYC, and I’m on a bus, and I am on Broadway!!!” Long story short, he was tickled pink for my adventure for me, and so this time, I sent him a text message, saying I had moved up in the world somewhat. I was again on Broadway, and this time it was in a Taxi. Lol Perhaps next time it would be in a limo!
OK. We arrived at the Sexy Museum….We walked in the door and were greeted with all sorts of souveniers/paraphernalia to purchase and the ticket booth. We gained entry, this time without a frisky frisking and upstairs we went. The first section was all about the evolution of sex from behind closed doors to mainstream internet availability and all the various types and flavours of sex from gay, lesbian, heterosexual, animal involvement, different insertion accessories, Weinergate, cartoon porn etc….
The next was all about the history of pornography and Linda Lovelace’s influence on the industry. The next section was animal porn including the first duck necropheliac rape witnessed and documented with photos by an unsuspecting bystander who happened to be at the right place at the right time…if you could call it that. Apparently ducks like to try and rape each other midflight, and this particular time, the victim flew into a window and died, and the offender continued his quest to have his way with her even when dead. We then moved onto the corkscrew shaped penises of ducks, and masturbation of monkeys in the wild AND in captivity.
We then moved into a strange art display of a bicycle attached to a dildo that one person could ride that would allow the dildo to move forward and back to stimulate penetration…. And finally a female urinal. How that related to sex I am not sure…perhaps it is simply a proximity to sexual organs that had it make the grade….?
We ended up back in the gift shop and that was it. The manager said that they had their business license revoked originally because it was too much of a sex shop and less of a museum and apparently that was too much to handle…..in NEW YORK CITY???? In Medicine Hat perhaps, but an international attraction in a city that never sleeps? Either way, they had to tame it down and then were granted permission to open their doors.
Our next stop was The Empire State Building. By now, most New Yorkers and tourists alike had realized the sky hadn’t fallen, it was only some snow and they were back in full force on the streets. Sliding around with good tires or shoes, but out nonetheless. We had stopped as the ESB before the museum, but the line was huge and it was cold, so we opted to come back afterwards and hope for a smaller line. Our gamble paid off and we were inside in mere moments. We then had another fondling and headed up to the 80th floor where we stopped for a few minutes. Our pass included a Kevin Bacon-esque cheesy but somewhat thrilling simulated helicopter ride through the city and a trip down the Coney Island rollercoaster. Meh…it was ok. Afterwards we transferred to another elevator to the 86th floor and finally a third vertical shuttle to the 112th. Luckily the clouds were gone and the view was spectacular. The winds were something else though. Back in the day when they built it, it was going to be used as a futuristic landing zone for blimp travel. However, with the discovery of how winds increase with heights, and the Hindenburg disaster, the project was scrapped.
It was now 730pm and we had planned on meeting up with our two new friends from NYE. We cabbed it up to the Minus 5 Experience Bar, where we donned fur coats, Russian fur hats (or in my case a polar bear hat scarf combo), and entered an ice palace where we were served drinks in ice made glasses and posed for photos like the VIPS we are. Photos to come. It was very loverly indeed.
Once leaving there, we decided F&*K it, we are taking a limo to dinner downtown! I laughed at the irony of my earlier message to my parents, snapped a few photos and sent it off to them saying I had decided not to wait until the next trip, but I was moving on up that day to a limo. We arrived at the restaurant and ran into a woman who had the neatest contraption. It was a selfie-stick. She attached her phone to it, and then used the earphones to snap a picture of herself! It was wild! Definitely a good investment if you can find them….
BBQ was on the dinner menu again. Having heard our rave reviews of the massive drinks we had on NYE, the girls wanted to go as well. It was our pleasure to take them! Our waitress was less than enthusiastic about being on shift that night, and really, was the only real poor customer service we had the whole trip. Drinks were swilled, meat was ripped from the bone, laughs were snorted, and a general party at our table ensued! We left finally about midnight and went back to the hotel to continue the party with wine, champagne and crown royal we all had from days before.
Stumbing back to bed in the wee hours of the morning finished the day.
Are you exhausted reading this yet? Well, imagine living through it! The whirlwind of activity, the lights, the booze, the hookers, the blow….I mean, the whirlwind of activity, the lights, the booze….the laughs. It was awesome. And tiring.
Saturday morning had us realize we needed to get things sorted out a bit in the hotel. We were leaving the next day, we had shopping bags spread from hither to yon, and some organizing needed to happen. Straight after a morning nap. Then it was straight to work. Luckily I had packed an extra duffel bag in anticipation, and in short order (read two hours) we had things ready to go for today. Our Broadway show was next. As the weather had warmed up even more, we walked the 12 blocks to the Gershwin Theatre to take our place in line to go to our seats. A few days earlier, a clerk at a store had advised us to sneak in our own snacks to save a bundle. So we did, and thankfully. One bag of M & M’s was selling for $8. Drinks were $23 each. Our Oreos and Diet Coke tasted even better. You all know I like a good sneaky snack every once in a while!
The seats we had were labeled as “Superior”. I should hope so, but the $252 we spent on each of them was well worth it. 9 rows from the front, right in the middle above the orchestra, we could see the performers and the delicate expressions on their face so clearly it was well worth it. The show was Wicked. It was literally called Wicked. Seriously. It was also wicked to watch. It was the life and story of the character development of the people who lived in OZ. Glinda the good witch, the wicked witch of the East, the wizard…the love story, the tragedies…it was super. A prequel if you will for the Wizard of Oz. 2 hours and 45 minutes later, we left, our thirst for culture slaked, leaving us only with the thirst for a delicious glass of wine at an Italian restaurant that Dr. Little (My chiropractor) recommended we go to. It was indeed delicious. A spinach, goat cheese, tomato, poached pear, balsamic dressed salad to start, followed by a chicken broccoli fusilli pasta for Joni and a veal scaloppini for myself and more wine. Muscato wine infact. It was soooo delicious, I took a picture of the bottle for future purchases.
We then split up for the next few hours so we could get all the last minute things purchased that we wanted to get secured before the final pack up and trip home. Meeting back at the hotel room after visiting the M&M store again, Lane Bryant (more bras!!!) again, Cake Boss for an evening nightcap of baked deliciousness and a few
other souvenir stores rounded out the night. The London girls came back to the room for a final recap and a hug goodbye and soon we were all in bed, needing to get up at ungodly hours to make our flights home today.
We (and I mean I) rose at 4am to get the show started. Poor Joni never got the chance to rise, for she had been hit like Hurricane Sandy in the head cold department and was unable to sleep due to her congestion. Pacing the room like a caged lion, she tried several times to sleep, but each time she lay down, her sinuses plugged to the point on not being able to breathe. Already having a sore throat made breathing through her mouth all but impossible. Suffering as she did all night long hasn’t dulled her enthusiasm for travelling one bit. She is a trooper. Pumped full of cold medications, her ability be as sharp as a tack has somewhat diminished, however, I was able to muster the courage to make decisions and successfully guide us to the airport despite my shy nature.
I type this now in the airplane between NYC and San Fransisco where our next flight home waits for us to board. During that stopover, I hope to be able to connect to send this update out, and perhaps on the last leg of the journey chronicle the events down at the Freedom Tower Memorial Site, and that deserves its own journal entry.
Until then, take care, and see you at home soon!